My recent post have been about friendship and how some people don’t seem to value it particularly, and are happy to let you down and think you’ll be ok with it.
One of the side effects of one of the two people who have let us down lately, is that my wife is no longer able to play tennis. She had started playing tennis for the first time, and was getting reasonably good at it. I am hopeless at tennis, so that’s not an option.
That’s the door closing.
The opening door, is that I used to regularly play badminton, and I can book a court in my work. So, one new racquet later, I’ve got a new badminton partner, and my wife has a replacement for the tennis she was playing.
Our first game is on Sunday. She’s never played before, so there’s going to be a learning curve, and I think it’ll be a couple of weeks before she starts playing seriously, but it’s all good.
A couple of months back, we had arranged to go out with some friends. When the day arrived, I sent one a text to remind him of the time we were meeting, and got a reply saying that he was “going to have quality “ME” time” and wasn’t coming, but thanks for the invite.
When I pointed out he’d already agreed to this, he went off grid for about ten minutes before coming back with “I have no messages from you regarding this”.
That was because it was arranged IN REAL LIFE and not online. Long story short, he never turned up and hasn’t been in touch.
Yesterday we bumped into him and his wife, and he joked “I suppose you’re not speaking to me”. My wife replied “Don’t be stupid”, before pointing out to him that we just weren’t contacting him as friendship is a two way street, and that the only times we saw them were when we arranged something. We also told him that when you only live 10 minutes from someone, there’s no excuse to have an “on-line” friendship, and that if he couldn’t be bothered making any effort, then why should we.
His only response was “OK”. No attempt to apologise or make amends, just OK.
Well, it looks like that’s a friendship finished. C’est la vie. Time to move on.
I’m actually disappointed that someone who is supposed to be a friend, can’t make any effort to stay in touch without it being via facebook. The fact that they can’t make time even once a month to meet up, is pathetic.
Baggage comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s “stuff”, sometimes it’s emotional baggage. Other times it can be people. Everyone probably knows someone who isn’t good for them to be around, who brings them down. That’s not good.
Recently I’ve taken the decision to step away from people who are like that. There’s two people who fit that bill at the moment, and while initially there’s a bit of guilt at cutting them off, as you think about when they WERE being a good friend, and start to doubt what you’re about to do, when you actually bite the bullet and do it, the sense of relief and the weight that lifts from your shoulders is immense. They won’t be able to let you down again as they won’t be in your life.
Now, I don’t wish these people ill, and I don’t hate them, it’s not like that. It’s just that I can’t take constantly being let down, and feeling bad because off someone else.
Take that step, and don’t be around people who are not good for you.
Sometimes I wonder if the people I regard as friends ARE actually friends. How many of them are only in touch because I make the effort? If I didn’t contact them first, how many would bother to contact me?
This came to be relevant recently. Someone we regarded as a friend, was supposed to be meeting us for a meal. We had to cancel due to illness, and her last words were “I’ll give you a shout when I’m free”. That was three months ago. We haven’t heard a thing from her.
She was also good at borrowing things, and when you asked if she’d read/watched them yet, the answer would always be no, because she had a huge pile of books/movies to work through. If that’s the case, don’t borrow until you’ve reduced the “to watch/read” pile, UNLESS it’s something you’re planning on jumping to the top of your pile.
Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m NOT going to make the effort with this person any longer. I’ve replaced both the dvd’s she has of mine, and out of the numerous books she’s got of mine, there’s only one I’m keen to replace (does that count as downsizing?)
So anyway, that’s another piece of driftwood that attached itself as I flow down the river of life, that I’ve managed to untangle myself from.